My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
one two three fourrrrnication!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
