Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
