Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
