There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
