also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
