the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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