well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
