How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
