Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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