I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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