Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
