3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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