Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
