I smell stomach acid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
