the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
