I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
