yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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