i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
