Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
handjob tips. give me some.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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