I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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