If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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