Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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