I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
