When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
