I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
