He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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