Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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