The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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