The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
