paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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