apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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