he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize