the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
