turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
