you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
