I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
