We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
