i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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