...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
