he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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