I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
