hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
