I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
