And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
