Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
