Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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