I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
