playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
