dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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