to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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