He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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