Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
