DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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